Welcome, welcome. We’re three games in to the 2014-15 season and with a record of 2-1, things are going quite well in Central Ohio. It’s time to put the tallies on the first week of Awesome Things. Earning points this week are:

  • Jack Skille: Because he is awesome. Officially, he’s only got one goal to his name (including the first of the season for the Jackets), but he’s had me on the edge of my seat (or jumping out of it) a few times already. For a guy whose career ATOI is probably under ten, he gets a lot of shit done in a short amount of time. Skille earned some kudos. +1 Awesome Thing for #10.
  • Cam freakin’ Atkinson: What a start Cam is off to (in a contract year). After three games, he’s already got four points, including 3 goals. Cam is on pace to score 82 goals this year. Book it. It’s going to happen. (Okay fine, but thirty would be awesome.) +2 Awesome Things for Cam, because he has the game winning goal in both Columbus victories.
  • The Children: Marko Dano & Alexander Wennberg, where did you come from? (Europe. What’s in the water there?) Neither one has looked like an overwhelmed, timid rookie. Dano has two points, Wennberg one. Dano already has a goal, and Wennberg is one of the top special teams guys already. He’s played all of three NHL games. +1 Awesome Thing for each.
  • Nick Foligno: Because this. He looked at Jamie Benn and was like, “Imma cut you, bitch.” And then he did. He made Jamie Benn bleed his own blood. I live vicariously through Nick Foligno. +283,000 Awesome Things for #71. Just kidding, +1.
  • Ryan Johansen: We don’t need no stinking training camp. Last year’s points leader spends training camp eating TimBits in Vancouver and shows up and has five points in three games. He has five points in three games, guys. He is on a 136 point pace. $3M is going to be a frickin’ steal when he has fourteen thousand points next season. +2 Awesome Things for Joey.

Check out the Boyfriend Standings here.

There were no confirmed red flower pot hat sightings.

There were no confirmed red flower pot hat sightings.

This week, a horde of young whipper-snappers invaded the Arena District (unrelated to Justin Bieber) for a week full of life’s lessons (on how not to be Tyler Seguin) and a little bit of on-ice work. Here’s what we learned this week:

1. Alexander Wennberg was “actually born with this face,” thus confirming the existence of a God. Thank you. It appears that Mr. Wennberg will be a great addition to the organization(‘s collection of future male models), and he’s probably also pretty good at hockey. The 2016 edition of Black Tie Blue Jackets might rival New York Fashion Week.

2. Ilari Melart is a very large human being and wears sweaters that make him resemble a large, overstuffed teddy bear, the kind you win at a carnival. Sweet potatoes fear him. (Bonus: see all of @derdrache‘s photos & @AlisonL’s story over at FSO.)

"Hey girl. Wanna know what my jersey's made of? Boyfriend material."

“Hey girl. Wanna know what my jersey’s made of? Boyfriend material.”

3. Kerby Rychel enjoys cats.

4. Brandon Dubinsky was also born with a great face, and a fantastic fashion sense. Currently, the rumor the organization may have to change their name to the Columbus LadyKillers in the next few years, is still unconfirmed. #CLK

5. If hockey doesn’t work out for our prospects, they may have a future performing on Broadway. And no, that was not a Columyorkus BlueShirtJackets joke.

6. And lastly, at the end of the week, you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.