Come to Ricky.
1. Rick Nash will stare longingly into the FSO Cameras an astounding and terrifying 1,372 times.
2. Scott Howson will accidentally pull the wrong Russell aside to tell him he’s been demoted to Springfield. And then demote the other just to save face.
3. Jared Boll will go 1-20. In fights, not points.
Oh... Oh... Ohio State!
4. Jeff Carter will consume 465 gallons of Bud Light (ugh…), and the Ohio State freshman class’ female persuasion will be the happiest it’s ever been.
5. Mike Commodore will be just as slow and crappy as ever and continue to think he’s attractive to young women in their 20s, and that buyout will look better every day.
6. Rick Nash and Jeff Carter will combine for 81 goals and 77 highlights for Skraut’s next video.
Ah, f#@K, not again...
7. The Ghost of Christian Backman Past will again possess the body of one CBJ defenseman, despite numerous attempts at exorcism.
8. On one of their two (2!) Versus appearances, Eddie Olczyk will refer to James Wisniewski as Espen Knutsen, and Mark Dekanich as Ron Tugnutt.
9. The team will score a record-high amount of “goal scorer’s goals.”
10. The Blue Jackets will unveil a new way to enshrine themselves in a brand new embarrassing phallic reference.
Any other predictions for this year? Fire away!
1. The Predators are (maybe) in trouble, or are perhaps pulling an imitation of the Blackhawks, and have screwed up their QOs. (Qualifying offers, for those of you who don’t do acronyms.) Apparently, the Predators have some difficulty discerning the difference between how a fax machine and FedEx work. Suppose we’ll let them slide, it is only 1981 in Tennessee, afterall. Please, nobody tell them about email for a while.
2. Wisniewski. Yeah, he totally played for one of those Canadian teams a certain person around here (ahem) seems particularly fond of. Spelling his name is today’s daunting task. Spelling test will be administered shortly after the conclusion of his contract signing, so read up on Porty and Reed retweeting each other today. Seriously though, he seems familiar with this “power play” thing that has become exinct in Columbus, so ultimately Scott Howson should do whatever it takes to make good with this guy, even if it means a year’s supply of Buckeyes co-eds. Wait, wrong acquisition. Whatever, sign him, bro.
3. Ciao, Commodore: He’s been placed on waivers (again), this time the buy-out kind (cue scary Halloween ominous music). So long, Commie. It’s been real, and it’s been fun, but it hasn’t been real fun. We should’ve known this would end badly when we saw those dollar bills haphazardly strewn across his jungle of wiry burnt orange hairs.